I’m 29 years old and I’m still single. There are days when I feel sorry for myself and I think I’ve wasted my twenties being in relationships I shouldn’t have been in the first place. But then I realize that these ‘failed’ relationships were part of my dating education. They’re an important part of my quest to find Mr. Right, but even more importantly, to find myself.
Today I am wiser and more mature when it comes to dating and life in general. Because I’ve learned from my past dating experiences, I am less likely to repeat the foolish mistakes I made when I was younger and more naive.
The attributes that I’m looking for in a man are also more rooted in reality than in fantasy. In my twenties I was looking for a knight in shining armor, a sweet, tall, handsome man making a good living who’d sweep me off my feet, take care of me and make me happy. These days I’m looking for something more substantial, not to mention realistic. I want someone who’s mature and responsible, balanced and happy, honest and genuine, considerate and kind. I would rather be with someone who shares my principles and ideals than someone who looks like he spends hours at the gym. I would rather be with someone whom I could see myself peacefully growing old with than someone who would ignite sparks that may not even last.
As I continue working towards a more confident, well-rounded self, I know I am taking closer steps to finding Mr. Right. By being healthy, I will attract healthy relationships. It all starts with me. When I learn to be happy on my own, to be confident in the person I am, to live life to the fullest without a man, the right man will find his way to my heart when I least expect it.
The most important realization is that I don’t need a man to be happy. I am the only person in this world who can make me happy. If I can’t be happy on my own, then I can’t possibly be happy with any man. As I mentioned in my last post, self-esteem comes from within and cannot be created from the outside.
I need to love myself first and foremost. Unlike what I had always believed, it’s not selfish to put myself first. When I truly know and believe in myself, I will follow through with what I feel is best for me. I will no longer feel the need to please or impress people, compare myself to my peers, or follow the dictates of society.
What do I truly want? What do I feel is best for me? No one else but me can answer these questions for me. I will listen to my own voice. When it comes from a source of inner peace, it is wise and true. When it comes from a place of turmoil and agitation, however, it is often irresponsible and misleading. I will know the difference and always strive to maintain the inner peace necessary to make the right decisions.
I don’t need marriage. I’m perfectly fine on my own. Desperation is what leads many women to jump into marriages that turn out to be unhappy. I refuse to marry (or date!) anyone out of desperation. Marriage is a lifelong commitment; I would be signing my own death warrant by marrying a man either out of desperation or fear of loneliness. And I will not waste more months of my life dating someone whom I know is not right for me simply because I’m too scared to be alone.
No, I would rather be on my own, living fully and happily. Starting tonight, I will stop worrying about the prospect of spending the rest of my life alone. The more I keep mulling over it, the less time I will have to enjoy life! And the less I enjoy life, the less likely I would be to have (or notice!) anyone falling in love with me. I will eliminate the time-wasting thought process completely and instead focus on building a happy, fulfilling existence on my own. Maybe the right man will come along or maybe he won’t. It doesn’t really matter, does it, if I’m perfectly happy by myself?
Happily Single at 29 December 28, 2008
Why I Make A Good Girlfriend, Too December 2, 2007
Though I made a list of the reasons why no one should date me, I’m really not ALL bad. Amidst all the bad, there is some good in me. Here are reasons why:
● I’m a committed girlfriend; I take relationships seriously.
● My boyfriend is the number one priority in my life.
● I can be extremely sweet, caring, doting, and affectionate.
● I often tell my boyfriend how much I care about him.
● I send him love letters and emails to express my sentiments
● I love to go all out during special occasions. I’m very romantic and I like to create beautiful memories.
● I never forget important dates like his birthday or our anniversary. On those days I like to make him feel very special and lavish him with presents and extra attention.
● I love to surprise my boyfriend with little romantic gifts and gestures just because. I’m quite thoughtful like that.
● I give him handmade cards and scrapbooks about our memories together.
● I will take care of him when he’s sick, listen to him when he’s going through some tough moments, be there by his side when he needs me, etc. I may not really know how to truly empathize, but I can sympathize. I am fiercely loyal and believe it is my duty as a girlfriend to be his right arm. Also, I keep in mind that if I treat him well in times like these, he’ll treat me well, too, when I go through such times.
● I will not take my boyfriend’s paying for dinners, movies, trips and other activities for granted. I always make it a point to offer to pay and will often stand my ground on splitting costs evenly in the middle. For one it would be impolite to assume he’ll take care of everything. Secondly I’d feel guilty if he paid for me too often. And while I don’t make much money, I want to show him that I am financially self-reliant.
● I’m always on time for dates.
● I’m a master planner. I will meticulously plan dates, trips, and special events. I think of everything.
● I’m a master organizer. I can organize my significant other’s apartment inside out. I will help him get organized if he needs it (i.e. if he always has trouble finding his keys).
● I will help clean, do laundry, paint his place, and do other stuff around the house if he needs me to. I’d do anything I can to help him.
● I have an amazing sense of style, aesthetics, and colors. I make the perfect shopping companion, a great personal stylist, and a pretty decent interior decorator.
● I remember things for him. I provide first-class reminder services.
● I can also provide fairly good proofreading services.
● I’m a very frugal person. I can show him how to live frugally and save money!
● I can be surprisingly wise and rational, and can provide good advice when he needs help making decisions.
● I’m not always all business and no play. I like to goof around every once in a while and act stupid.
● I can be really fun to be with. I’m bubbly, playful and I can be quite silly.
● I laugh at pretty much anything. It’s really easy to make me laugh.
● I’m lots of fun in the bedroom department (at least that’s what I’ve been told).
● If I promise I’m going to do something, such as lose weight or take him on a trip, I will do it. I always do everything I can to keep my word. If I know I can’t do something, I would not promise it.
● I don’t lie. It’s wrong, wrong, wrong. I wouldn’t want him to lie to me, so why would I lie to him? Besides I am not a good liar. I think people can always tell when I’m lying. And lies always catch up with you in the long run. Honesty is definitely the way to go.
● I’m very open. I don’t feel comfortable hiding things, especially wrongdoings. It feels wrong and weighs heavily on my conscience.
● I try as much as I can to be open with my feelings, too. Communication is very important to me and is the only way problems within the relationship can be solved.
● I don’t cheat. Cheating on one’s significant other is one of the worst offenses ever. I really don’t tolerate it and I certainly will not engage in that kind of behavior. I think not cheating is a matter of self-restraint, self-discipline, and avoiding situations that may lead to the act. I have NEVER cheated and I NEVER will. No one I’ve dated has EVER cheated on me.
● I acknowledge that I have issues and while I’m not always willing to seek treatment, I’m aware of the wrong I do and always apologize sincerely after I’ve misbehaved
● Deep down, I really do care about my boyfriend and don’t want to hurt him.
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Of course, most of this really only applies to boyfriends. I’m definitely not that nice, fun, playful, attentive, caring, doting, generous, and helpful with other people. But then again I’m not that mean and crazy with other people either. I’m really a completely different person with most people - a shy, mute, boring, serious, apathetic wallflower, you might say.
What I Love About Being Single November 2, 2007
My ex-boyfriend and I broke up last August 16, 2007 – we were 14 days short of our three-year anniversary. As with any breakup, at first I thought I’d never recover from it, but I did. And the more time goes by the better I feel about it.
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It’s my ex’s birthday tomorrow and I don’t have to buy him a present (or a card). Yay!
No more tears shed over unanswered phone calls, text messages, and emails
No more praying (in vain) that he’ll send me flowers one day, write me love poems, or take me out to a romantic restaurant
No more waiting for him to show up 2 hours late for our meetings
No more being late for movies and just about everything else
No more having the misfortune to be seen with him in public when he wears his old see-through t-shirts with more holes than gruyère cheese
No more being forced to sit through another episode of “Heroes” or some other stupid television show/series he’s crazy about at the moment
No more being made to watch retarded comedies with zero cinematic value
No more merengue or salsa dancing with a very uncomfortable piece of wood poking at my pubic bone
No more treasure hunts for soiled socks and dirty underwear on laundry day
No more talking to myself on the phone
No more trying in vain to engage a sleep-deprived zombie that falls asleep faster than the speed of light into a conversation
No more being kept up at night by deafening snores and explosive snorts
No more finding myself on the verge of falling off the bed because some schmuck in seventh heaven thinks he’s alone in the bed
No more waking up in the middle of the night struggling for air to unbury myself from the heavy body parts that were piled up on top of me while I was asleep (for the same reason as above)
No more hanging out with the same drinking gang of immature cronies
No more yelling at him from the top of my lungs for him to end his 30-minute morning showers so that we can attempt to be on time for work for once
No more rolling into work guiltily at 11 am pretending not to notice how late it is
No more trying to fight off the horndog
No more fake orgasms or lies that sex was good
No more 15-min bl*w jobs that leave me feeling like my lips were injected with novocaine and my jaw dislocated
No more having to tend the area south of the border
No more being asked to sniff dirty laundry to see if it should be thrown in the wash or not (because I apparently have a bloodhound sense of smell)
Likewise, no more being asked to sniff 5-month old food leftovers to see if they’ve gone bad or not
Now I can listen to sappy crooners all I want (hello, Michael Bublé!)
I can watch the baddest, scariest horror films in peace without sissy next to me tugging at my arm or jumping up (annoyingly) in his seat whenever he’s scared
I can fart and stink up the bed to my heart’s content (and not get called bed farter and made to go take a dump)
I can bend over with the peace of mind that no dog will get behind me and act like a dog
I can go to Target and stay there for 2 1/2 hours
I can make funny faces or prance around like a monkey in public if I feel like it
I can swear like a drunk French sailor (and not be told to watch my manners)
I can wear sweaters in 98 degree weather
I can wear the black and white striped top I wore on my first date with him without being called a prison inmate
I can smell till I can’t take it any more (and have to take a shower)
I can leave the toothpaste cap off and even throw it on the floor for fun if it makes me happy
The drive-thru at Wendy’s will never be my Friday dinner out on the town again
My toilet seat will always stay DOWN
My bedroom will never smell like roquefort cheese again
Undateable October 30, 2007
When I talk to people who are happily married, engaged, or involved with a special someone, I can’t help but feel sad because I secretly know I will never experience any of this. I work very hard to get used to the idea of spending the rest of my life alone, yet when I look around and see so many people in love, I am reminded of what I can’t have and it hurts.
Sometimes I wish I were normal so that I could find (and keep) love. It would be wonderful to fall in love again. Why do I have to ruin every relationship I’m in? Why can’t I keep myself from being so needy, demanding, and difficult? I behave much better on my own. It is only when a man comes into the picture, a boyfriend to be exact, that I turn into a real pain in the ass.
What is it about having a boyfriend that makes me feel like I am entitled to make his life unbearable? I really don’t mean to hurt anyone. God knows I tried very hard to behave in my last relationship.
I’m better off alone. Men are better off without me. I know this. Every day I tell myself so. And I am doing the best I can to accept it. But it’s easier said than done. There are times when I think I can manage on my own and then there are times when I can’t bear to be so lonely. Damn this neediness.
I am better off alone, for my sake and other people’s sake. I should tattoo this statement on my forearm as a self-reminder and on my forehead as a warning to others, and wear a T-shirt that says, “I Bite – Run, Do Not Just Walk to the Nearest Exit.”
Secret Crush October 29, 2007
I need some excitement in my life. I need a man. A boyfriend would be nice. Someone with whom I could curl up in bed right now. Someone who would tickle the sole of my feet and whisper sweet nothings to me from under the covers.
Wishful thinking (sigh).
I do have a new secret crush, though. A celebrity. He reminds me of someone I was head over heels in love with once upon a time, an old friend of mine who looked just like him.
The celebrity I am hopelessly crushing on like a teenage girl has boyish good looks. Sometimes during the day, and every night before I fall asleep, I imagine I’m looking into his dreamy blue eyes and he’s talking to me with that irresistible little smirk of his that makes me melt, melt, melt, like chocolate in the warm palm of a hand. I love the sound of his voice. In it there isn’t a trace of nasal flatness, but only soft, seductive raspiness like sexy blues music. I have yet to meet an American, who isn’t an actor, with that rare kind of voice. I could fall in love with a man by the mere sound of his voice, especially if he knew how to use it to speak beautiful words.
Daydreaming about my crush makes me feel so fuzzy inside. I can’t recall the last time I ever felt like this. Though it may seem silly to desire someone whom I’ll never meet, I don’t really care. I just want to have someone to think about again, someone to smile about, someone to talk to in secret when I need to be loved. And above all, someone I can have all to myself in my heart and in my dreams forever and ever (until the next crush replaces him).
