It’s Christmas, but I’m going to the gym anyway. What a blessing my apartment building houses its own gym. I never have to worry about holiday closings. While people were gobbling down their turkey on Thanksgiving Day, I was sweating it off on the cross master. There are no holidays for the obsessive compulsive exerciser.
Since I changed my diet and started working out about two and a half months ago, my body’s gone from flab to fab. At the annual holiday gathering I attended on Saturday, a lot of people couldn’t recognize me. I wowed everyone with my makeover. People thought I had a star’s figure. Wow, a star’s figure. Near perfection.
I’m actually not quite there yet (though the outfit I wore may have made it seem like I was). At the rate I’m going I should be there eventually, though. By winter’s end, I’ll have a star’s bikini body (minus the boobs). And by year’s end, maybe I’ll have a fitness model’s body – not the ugly, bulky type, but the lean, toned kind. There’s nothing more amazing than goals that CAN be achieved.
I love how my hard work and my dedication are paying off. Seeing tangible results fuels my drive to go farther and farther. It’s in times like these that I feel my best. I feel like I’m on top of the world, in control of my life. Last year I was terribly depressed, ready to put an end to it all, because I had no reason to live, no reason to fight, no reason to hope.
What a huge difference it makes to have something to look forward to, something to live for. Envisioning the dream body I want and seeing it get closer and closer within my reach is what’s helping me keep going. To some it may be a stupid, shallow reason for living, but to me it means so much. Because I can exercise full control over some aspect of my existence, the world no longer seems like such a scary, hostile, impossible place to live in. In the bubble I live in, I reign queen.
On Top of the World December 25, 2007
Food Diary #6 – Hooked on Green Tea November 14, 2007
Since I started my diet almost four weeks ago, I’ve made it a habit to drink a cup of plain green tea every day. I read so many wonderful things about the benefits of green tea that I thought I’d incorporate it into my diet. Not only is it a healthy supplement to water, but it is an effective appetite suppressant as well (no wonder it is the drink of choice for supermodels!).
Though it tends to make me feel sick if I drink it on an empty stomach, I’ve found that drinking it with or after a meal doesn’t cause any discomfort. I love how it eliminates my strong post-meal cravings for dessert. A cup of green tea pretty much serves as my dessert these days (another healthy dessert option is a small piece of 70% dark chocolate or a single glass of red wine – not more than once a day, of course).
I choose the decaf green tea version because I’m extremely sensitive to caffeine. However, a cup of regular green tea after lunch helps keep me alert in the lull of the early afternoon hours when I could really use a nap.
All in all, green tea has been a great diet asset. Drinking it without sugar or honey took some getting used to at first, but eventually I found that the flavors of the tea were a lot more discernible, and consequently better appreciated, when I drank it unadulterated.
Food Diary #5 – Remove All Temptations From Thine Eyes October 28, 2007
Never EVER watch photos of gourmet food while you are on a diet. It is a precursor of sin.
My dad, who lives in France and is training to be a chef, sent me photos of his work today. Being on a bird diet (I guess I can’t be eating like a bird because I eat meat), I found myself drooling like a dog in front of a juicy steak at the sight of them. By the end of the tastebud-teasing session, I rushed over to the kitchen and helped myself to some Eddy’s churned butter pecan ice cream – the closest I had at home to whatever fancy dessert with an ice cream scoop I saw on one of the pictures.
Now, I’m doubling over in pain because my belly didn’t take too well to the unexpected (and unwelcome) intruder. Sin never comes without punishment. This is what I get for adding an extra 120 calories (not to mention sugars) to my diet for no good reason other than the fact that I couldn’t eat what was on my screen. In less than an hour I should expect to be sitting on the toilet polluting my lungs. Bravo.
I wrote to my father and asked him not to send me pictures of his mouth-watering dishes again, not while I’m just getting started on this diet, not while my weight still hasn’t budged a pound despite of all my earnest efforts. He’s supposed to visit for Christmas, though, and I’m planning to take TWO FULL WEEKS OFF from The Diet in order to fully revel in the pleasures of gourmet French cuisine and let my taste buds celebrate the year’s end.
Until then my eyes are blind to any gourmet food pictures that may come my way.
Food Diary #4 – New Diet Rules October 26, 2007
I finally got groceries this morning so I have PLENTY of fruits and healthy snacks to choose from. I got nuts, trail mixes, and muesli from the bulk food section at Whole Foods. I also bought low-fat string cheese, whole wheat crackers (which turned out to be too sweet for my newly adjusted taste buds), baby carrots, and decaf green tea (doubt I’ll like it, but I’d like to drink something healthy and sugarless other than water).
Some of my new diet rules:
- I will avoid eating out
- The entrées I eat will be homemade and done primarily from scratch
- My portions will be small
- My standard salad dressing will consist of a small amount of olive oil, vinegar, and a pinch of salt and pepper. If I can I will forgo the oil.
- I will stick to the weekly menu I set for myself
- I will never go more than three and a half hours without eating
- I will eat at least 5 times a day
- I will abstain from foods made with white flour (eg., white rice, white bread, pasta, etc.)
- I will choose 100% whole wheat or whole grain breads, crackers, waffles, and pancakes, cereal, etc
- I will try to eat a combination of complex carbs and protein at every meal/snack
- I will avoid eating processed foods
- I will steer clear of foods containing refined sugar (eg., cookies, cakes, soda, etc.)
- I will choose real fruit over fruit juice
- I will drink 6-8 glasses of water a day
- The only sweets I’ll have will be a small amount of 70% dark chocolate
- I will eat breakfast every single day within an hour of getting up
- I will stop eating dairy products made with whole milk, but will choose low-fat or nonfat dairy products instead
- I will stay away from saturated fats and trans fats
- I will have 2-3 servings of fruit a day and at least 3-4 servings of vegetables a day
- I will not consume any artificial sweeteners (eg., diet soda, sugar-free foods etc.)
- Once I lose some weight, I can eat the foods I love (that I know are not so good for me) in small quantities and if possible, in healthier versions (eg., low-fat, low-calories, reduced sugar etc.).
I don’t really want to think of myself as being on a weight loss diet. This is more of a long-term solution than a short-term one. My focus is to eat better so that I will not only lose the excess weight, but be healthier as a whole as well. I will be not be eliminating any food categories like carbs or protein because they are needed. Even fats, as long as they’re good fats (eg., nuts, avocados, and some oils), are needed. Balance is the key here.
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9:45 am – 1 glass of light vanilla soy milk + 2 whole wheat mini toasts
12:45 pm – Chicken breast, zucchini, and brown rice
1 tiny slice of leek tart (the last one I’ll eat because it’s too full of fat)
1 kiwi
3 pm – 2 whole wheat crackers + 1 low-fat string cheese
5 pm – 1 slice of whole wheat bread + peanut butter + half of a banana
7:45 pm – Beef, broccoli, and brown rice + 1 large serving of grated carrots
1 small apple
Sugar Withdrawal October 25, 2007
I’m beyond tired. Not my usual depressed, heavy kind of tired, but this weird, floating-on-a-cloud kind of tired. I can feel quivers crawling on the surface of my skin. My head, squeezed by a light pulsating force, seems to be hovering somewhere above the rest of my body. Aliens have taken over me.
Last night I ate 2 squares of chocolate, quickly and surreptitiously, as if I thought someone would catch me in the act. It was an act of desperation.
I miss the taste of sweetness. When I think about it my mouth waters. This deprivation is torture. But I must continue to tell myself it is for my greater good. To remind myself I reach down to the soft, flaccid flesh bulging from my belly. There, between my fingers, lies the reason why I must end my passionate love affair with sugar.
I wish the aliens would kill me instead, for I don’t know if I can live without sugar, the only source of comfort in my life.
Food Diary #3 – Where Is The Fruit to Save Me From Myself? October 24, 2007
I was short of one fruit today because I’ve run out of them. I also should have had more vegetables, but I didn’t have any on hand either, other than what I had as cooked leftovers. I’m going grocery shopping this weekend so that I’ll have everything I need. Next week I am officially on diet.
My stomach is starting to get used to the scheduled teeny portions, which is a great sign. Tonight my belly feels smaller than it was earlier, thanks to my early evening workout. I had a major post-dinner sweet craving to which I alas succumbed. This is what happens when I don’t get enough carbs in the previous meal. After the demanding workout I had, I really should have helped myself to more pasta. Fruit has the uncanny ability to fool my sweet cravings, but since I had none left, I was forced to reach for the forbidden chocolate. Actually, because I can’t live without chocolate, I am going to get myself some 70% dark chocolate for next week – a little bit of it each day is supposed to be very good for you.
Before I go to bed tonight I’m going to attempt drinking a glass of warm soy milk. I am hoping it’ll help me fall asleep faster and prevent those middle-of-the-night hunger pangs.
9:00 am – 1 hard-boiled egg + 1 small serving of oatmeal with dash of light vanilla soy milk + 1 small glass of orange juice
11:15 am – 1 small slice of leek tart
1:30 pm – Tilapia fish fillet, cooked cabbage, and brown rice
3:15 pm – 2 whole grain mini-toasts + 1 slice of muenster cheese
5:30 pm – 1 small apple + 1 slice of whole wheat bread and peanut butter
7:00 pm – 1 small serving of whole wheat spaghetti with tomato sauce and a pinch of parmesan cheese + tilapia fish fillet
8:30 pm – 2 squares of white chocolate (bad, I know, but I had an awful craving)
Before bedtime – 1 glass of warm light vanilla soy milk
Food Diary #1 – Adding Breakfast October 22, 2007
I’ve made leaps and bounds today when it comes to controlling cravings. I’ve found that some of the food combinations I ate (protein + complex carbs) reduced the cravings significantly. I also noticed that when I went too long without food, as I did between breakfast and lunch, I had a ranevous appetite at lunch as well as a massive post-lunch sweet craving.
Breakfast
1 glass of light soy milk
4 whole grain biscottes with nutella
Snack
1 banana
Lunch
Leftovers from yesterday’s party (in small portions): coconut chicken, a little bit of beef, lentils, fresh tomato salsa, cabbage/green bean/carrot salad
4 squares of coconut white chocolate (very bad, but couldn’t help it!)
Snack
1 slice of whole wheat bread with peanut butter
1 banana
Dinner
Tilapia fish fillet, cooked cabbage and brown rice
1 kiwi
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I’ve already planned tomorrow’s snacks/meals. Five of them are all packed and ready to go for work: breakfast, mid-morning snack, lunch, mid-afternoon snack and late afternoon snack, all spaced by 2 hours. From now on I will be having breakfast, something which I seldom did during the weekdays. Doing so should make me more energetic in the morning, will get my metabolism into gear early on, and will prevent me from having those wild carb cravings after lunch.
Fitness and Diet Goals October 20, 2007
Since I’m over the heavy-duty self-analysis, I am now focusing all of my energies on losing weight. My goal is to lose 15 lbs in the next four months, roughly 1 lb a week, and get back into top physical shape.
I’m just tired of recoiling in disgust at the sight of my body in the mirror. I’ve really let myself go in the last three years. I want to build up my metabolism and lose the excess fat while I’m still in my twenties, before the task becomes even more difficult.
I went to the gym today (yes, I can’t believe I did it!) and did 20 minutes on the elliptical trainer and 25 minutes of straight jogging on the treadmill. I was shocked that I was able to sustain the jogging for 25 minutes nonstop. I’m so lazy and unfit. It’s mind-boggling that I could jog for so long without dropping dead. But I did it and I am going to do it again on Monday. My goal is to slowly build up my exercise frequency to 4 to 5 times a week, which is no small feat considering I hate exercising with a passion!
Diet-wise, I’m doing my darn best to cut down the sweets – as a sugar addict and emotional eater, this takes considerable willpower and self-control. I ate 8 squares of coconut white chocolate and a bowl of ice cream today (really couldn’t help it), but I did not eat any cookies at all, which is unheard of for me. I could give up sweets all at once; however, every time I’ve done it I’ve always relapsed. This time I’m going to go at it gradually.
Last week I got rid of the candy and the occasional soda. This week, starting on Monday, I’m going to attempt to limit myself to 4 squares of chocolate and 2 cookies a day. I am also going to do the following:
- eat 5-6 meals a day, including breakfast, which I will try never to skip again
- add protein to every meal
- eat at least one fruit and two vegetables a day
- drink 6-8 glasses of water a day
It may seem like a lot, but I’m practically there with the water and the vegetables already. My mom’s been cooking for me at home, so I really have no excuse not to eat properly.
