Boy have I seriously neglected this blog.
It’d take too long to explain where I’ve been or what I’ve done since May 3. Other than having a real job with benefits and a busy social calendar, my life actually isn’t all that different from what it was two months ago. I’m still obsessive. Still lonely. Still unhappy. And yes, I’m still good at whining.
After being rejected by a man I was obsessively pining for, I took up organizing meet^ups (local social networking events) as a hobby. It became a sort of outlet for my obsessive-compulsive tendencies, a way to channel my overzealous energies into something productive.
Naturally instead of deriving pleasure from the experience as other organizers do, I’ve obsessed over the whole thing a bit much, bringing upon myself more stress than is necessary. I know I’m the only one to blame for that. I’ve always had a knack for making things more difficult than they really are. I always want too much, do too much, push too much, worry too much.
Only a month into it and I’m already reaching the burnout stage. I’m sick of organizing meet^ups. It’s gotten to be too much. Unless I calm the fuck down and take it EASY, I doubt I could keep it going much longer. Sadly that goes for everything in my life. Work, relationships, blogging, trifles… You name it I obsess over it.
Unless I learn to chill out and stop taking everything so seriously, unless I learn not to make a MONUMENTAL deal out of everything, unless I learn to accept anything less than perfect, unless I learn to give myself a pat on the back for the good that I do and forgive myself for the not so good I do, unless I learn to loosen the grasp on every aspect of my life I am so fiercely adamant on exercising control over, then happiness will continue eluding me.
Always Too Much July 14, 2008
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