Food Diary #7 – Discipline Is Key November 22, 2007

I am feeling dreadfully guilty because I ate a little tube of M&Ms today while I was at the movie theater with my mother. My mom had this kid’s tray that came with soda, popcorn, and candy. Since she only wanted the soda and the popcorn, she gave me the candy and foolishly I accepted it. What a fool I was indeed.
 
Now that it’s somewhere in my belly, probably getting absorbed as fat, guilt is hanging over me like a millstone over my neck. Though I’ve already exercised this morning, I am half tempted to exercise again to burn the enemy down. Go away, you filth, get away from me!
 
How could I have been so stupid? Where was my discipline? Considering today is eat-your-heart-out day in this land of the fat I live in, I behaved surprisingly well at lunch. All I had was a moderate portion of turkey, green beans, grated carrots, and brown rice with just a square of dark chocolate for dessert.
 
So why, goddammit, did I have to eat these M&Ms? I wasn’t hungry. I didn’t need them. Every once in a while I don’t mind eating a couple of small scoops of slow churned ice cream. Eating candy, however, is big no-no for me, the worst offense, the ultimate sin. It just reminds me of the sugar addiction days of old when I had no self-control whatsoever, no discipline. I don’t want to go back to being that person anymore, that loser, that girl of no self-respect. I’ve worked too hard to get this far. I simply can’t let myself go again.
 
DISCIPLINE. That’s really all it takes to lose weight and keep it off. It’s not that difficult, but only a matter of setting down the law for yourself and following it NO MATTER WHAT. I mean, most of us have no trouble following the laws other people have set for us. Setting rules and laws for ourselves for our own self benefit should be a piece of cake next to that.
 
And let me tell you something. It is. When you put discipline first and foremost above all things, it’s really not that hard to say no to bad foods, bad habits, bad judgments. So why then did I not say no today? I thought what the heck, today’s a holiday. I thought this can’t hurt me, not just this one time, this small thing. But the truth of the matter is that it IS a big deal. I broke the law. My own law. And I deserve punishment.
 
The fairest punishment I can think of, other than to exercise harder tomorrow, is to eat a very small dinner to make up for those unnecessary calories. Only when I know that there are consequences to my actions will I be able to achieve and maintain discipline. Only when I have achieved discipline will I be a true master of myself. And that, my friends, is of quintessential importance to get that perfect body of my dreams.