Exercise Diary #6 – I Must Exercise As Often and As Hard I Can November 12, 2007

I’ve been exercising practically every day in a very intense fashion. I have become so obsessed with exercise that it has become the center of my existence.
 
Is exercise replacing the void once filled by my ex, I wonder?
 
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I feel the need to exercise as often and as hard I can because …
 
A healthy diet is worthless without exercise
 
I’m terribly bored and don’t know what else to do
 
Exercise distracts me from my negative thoughts
 
Exercise makes me forget how lonely I am (while I’m doing it)
 
Exercise helps me think more clearly
 
Exercise gives me a much needed boost of energy
 
Exercise gives me the control and power to change the way I look
 
Exercise gives me a sense of purpose in life
 
I need a strong point of focus in my life to keep myself together
 
I need to feel PASSION about something
 
I need to give my entire body, heart, mind and soul to something in order to feel alive
 
I’m hurting inside and exercise makes me feel better afterwards 
 
Pushing my body as far it will go makes me feel high
 
Riding on the high that comes with intense exercise makes me feel powerful
 
The soreness that comes the day after I exercise feels good
 
I (still) don’t like the way I look
 
I want faster, more immediate results 
 
I am ready to sacrifice everything to achieve the dream body I desperately want
 
I want to show others that I can accomplish this
 
I can’t wait to impress people with my new super fit, super toned figure
 
I want to show to this girl I am jealous of (who hasn’t seen me for years) that I (still) look twice as good as she does (she used to be fat, but now she looks thin and fit)
 
If I don’t exercise I feel terribly guilty
 
If I don’t exercise I feel like a failure
 
If I don’t exercise I feel worthless and empty
 
If I don’t exercise all my efforts will have been in vain
 
If I don’t exercise those who know I’ve embarked on this mission will laugh at me for not following through with my plans and goals
 
And if I can’t succeed in accomplishing my goals, I’ll never be able to show my face again to people who knew me back when I was still thin and beautiful