I’m A Serial Class Cutter/Quitter November 5, 2007

Whenever I start to neglect this blog, even if only for a couple of days, I find it difficult to pull myself back into it.
 
I wish it were just the blogging, though. Unfortunately this type of thing happens with practically everything else I do.
 
I cut one dance class back in October and since then I haven’t gone to class for FIVE weeks in a row (not for the lack of trying).
 
First two weeks, I was down in the dumps, too apathetic and tired to do much of anything, least of all dance. Third week, I had to attend a family function. Fourth week, I was running so embarrassingly late (because of some godforsaken awful train delays) that I decided to turn back home three quarters of the way through. Fifth week (yesterday), I was all ready to go and about to walk out the door, when I suddenly lost all motivation to go to class and went to hang out with my ex instead.
 
After the third week, my teacher emailed me to make sure I was alright. I wrote her back promising her that I’d be there the following week.
 
I’m such a bad student.
 
At this point I don’t know if the woman will ever see my face in class again this semester. She’d have to threaten me with a gun to my face to get me to show up to class next week. And even that probably wouldn’t work because I’d give anything for someone to just shoot me and end this pathetic existence of mine.
 
I can already see my 200 bucks heading towards the drain. I knew I shouldn’t have signed up for this. What made me think I was going to finish this one class when I quit every other class before this one early?
 
Damn it, I hate myself for trying. And I hate myself even more for hoping.